Family Metastasized
by AlexandEarlGrey
Summary: Lorelai receives devastating news during a time when she feels the most alone. While facing a life threatening challenge, she comes to realize that "alone" is the last thing she'll feel.
1. Chapter 1

Hello, faithful readers! I tend to write light hearted stories, but an angsty idea struck me and I had to get it out before it ate me alive. This story is inspired by Kristina's storyline on Parenthood, but tailored to fit into a Gilmore world. It's set at the beginning of Season 3. I tried to do my research on this sensitive topic, but please feel free to tell me if I make a mistake somewhere. That being said, after the first couple chapters, I'm going to try to veer away from the clinical side of things. As always, please let me know what you think. Your input/reactions are always helpful, and I have a feeling they will be even more o with this particular story

Chapter 1

"See you Friday, Doc."

"See you Friday."

Lorelai hung up the phone after her daughter finished telling her about how her alarm clock slaughtering dream secretly meant that she was jealous of Christopher and his blonde, lanky, pregnant girlfriend. She pouted for a few more moments, groaned as she slowly crawled back into bed and realized she'd bruised a few places in her graceful descent to the floor, and pulled the covers up over her head. She wanted her kid back. She wanted to snuggle with her and watch cheesy movies with her. She wanted Christopher's girlfriend (she refused to refer to her by name) to disappear. She wanted Luke to stop being mad at her. She sighed as she realized that only one of those things was likely to happen anytime soon.

Lorelai Gilmore felt alone.

After an anything-but-restful night of sleep, she finally rolled out of bed when the strip of sunlight streaming through her curtains landed right across her eyes.

"Achh! Really? Burned retinas are not how I wanted to start my day." She blindly selected a pair of clean underwear and a bra from the not-yet-folded basket of clean laundry by the door. Why put it away? There was no one there to see it but her. She fumbled down the hallway and into the bathroom, turned on the shower, and sat on the toilet while she waited for the water to heat up.

She only almost nodded off twice before she remembered what she was supposed to be doing, and stripped herself of her pajamas. After checking to be sure the water was the ideal temperature, she stepped in and began going through the motions.

_I really, really don't want to go to work today,_ she thought glumly. She shaved her legs, even though she had just done it yesterday. She washed and conditioned her hair a second time. She took extra time making sure her belly button was lint free. Anything to stall actually beginning her day.

_I know, I'll make my gynecologist happy. Time to feel myself up_. Lorelai lifted her left arm over her head and tried to remember how Dr. Landry performed her yearly breast exam. _Everything's on the up and up on this side._

She repeated the steps on the opposite side. Just as she was about to finish, feeling silly that she'd even thought to do this in the first place, she felt something. A definite lump, about the size of a cherry. Her heart jumped into her throat. _How have I not noticed this before? It's huge!_ She felt lightheaded, but did her best not to overreact. She knew passing out in the shower would only make matters worse.

_It's nothing. It doesn't even hurt. I'm freaking out for nothing. Cancer has to hurt, right? It's probably just a cyst._ She turned the water off and stepped out of the tub, trying not to shake too much. After drying herself off, she put on her clean underwear and threw her pajamas back on. She couldn't get to the phone fast enough. She hurried down the stairs and grabbed the phone from where it sat on the coffee table.

Her thumbs hesitated over the numbers. "Who do I call? Is this a gynecologist thing? Or a regular doctor thing? Who am I kidding, I don't know either number," she wondered aloud. Fishing her phone book out of the drawer in the hallway, she decided to call whoever she flipped to first. Her finger landed on Dr. Landry's number.

_Sitting is probably a good idea_, she decided, as she waited for her call to connect. She perched herself on the edge of the couch.

"Women Partners' Healthcare, this is Suzanna, how can I help you?" came the too cheerful greeting on the other side of the receiver.

"Hi, Suzanna, my name is Lorelai Gilmore. I think I need to schedule an appointment."

"Okay, I can help with that. What do you need to see the doctor for?"

"It's probably nothing. I don't know why I'm even worried. I found a cyst in my right breast this morning. I guess I just need Dr. Landry to tell me it's really a cyst and that there's nothing to be worried about." She held the phone between her left ear and her shoulder while she worried her hands together in her lap.

"She can certainly do that for you."

When Suzanna finished scheduling the appointment, Lorelai hung up the phone. She set it down on the table in front of her and stared at it. _I guess I have to get dressed now._

Three hours later, Lorelai found herself sitting on a cold exam table, wearing a shirt made out of paper, and waiting impatiently for Dr. Landry to decide it was her turn. She felt dumb sitting in the chilly room, waiting for someone to tell her that she had nothing to worry about. She closed her eyes and tried to think of other things. _Rory will be home soon. She's going to be a senior in high school. Wow, I can't believe she's already a senior in high school. I have to be around to see her graduate and go to Harvard. Of course I'll be around, why wouldn't I? _A gentle knock on the door startled Lorelai out of her daydream. Dr. Landry slowly poked her head through the door, and seeing that Lorelai was decent, made her way in.

"Hi, Lorelai, good to see you," the middle aged woman with a dark, graying bun tied at the base of her head and a pair of large, thinly rimmed stylish glasses sitting on her nose said.

Lorelai shook her extended hand, "I wish I could say the same to you," she replied with a smile.

Dr. Landry smiled sympathetically as she sat down. "I understand. Tell me what's going on." She had already read over the notes that the nurse had made, but Dr. Landry wanted to hear it in Lorelai's own words. She noted the slight shake in Lorelai's voice as she spoke and the tremor in her fingers as she reached up to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I don't know why I'm worrying so much. It doesn't even hurt," Lorelai finished, with a dismissive wave of her hand.

Dr. Landy placed her notes on the counter and stood up. "Well, let's just take a look and see, shall we?" She motioned for Lorelai to lay back. "I'm just going to start with your left breast and make sure everything's okay over there."

Lorelai took a nervous breath. "Okay." Dr. Landry lifted Lorelai's left arm and placed it above her head. She repeated the motions that Lorelai had performed in the shower just a few hours earlier. Lorelai noticed she seemed to be paying special attention to one area. "Did you find something?"

"Yes, but it's normal. You do have very cystic breasts – at least this one is, so far. Here, give me your right hand." Lorelai lifted her hand and Dr. Landry took it, placing Lorelai's fingers where her own had been. "Do you feel all those tiny lumps? Those are cysts."

"Oh, okay." She wasn't sure she was feeling anything at all.

"Is this what you felt in your right breast? Maybe just bigger?"

Lorelai hesitated. "Maybe? I'm not sure."

"Let's see." Dr. Landry placed Lorelai's right arm above her head and moved the left one back to its place at Lorelai's side. She began feeling near the middle of Lorelai's chest, made her way down underneath, and over to the side. When her fingers found the lump that Lorelai's had landed on that morning, she stopped. After a moment, she manipulated it – prodded and poked and practically memorized every contour of it.

Lorelai saw Dr. Landry's brow furrow. Her expression was serious. "Have you ever had a mammogram before?"

"No, I didn't think you were supposed to start getting them until you were 40."

Dr. Landry replaced Lorelai's right arm back at her side and sat down on her stool. Lorelai sat up. "Typically, that's correct. You can get one sooner, though, if you're having problems."

Lorelai swallowed hard. "Am I having problems?"

Dr. Landry took a deep breath. "I don't want to worry you, Lorelai, but I don't think it's a cyst. We need to take this seriously. I'm not sure what it is yet – that's why we need the mammogram, and then possibly some other tests to get a better look at what it really is."

Lorelai tried to cling to some kind of hope. "Is there any chance it's just a cyst?"

"Of course there's a chance, but Lorelai, I'm going to be honest – I don't think it is." She tried to look sympathetic. She hated having these conversations. "Cysts, especially ones this size, typically do hurt. Quite a lot, actually. All those tiny cysts in your left breast have probably been there for years. When a cyst fills with fluid and becomes inflamed, it can get as big as the lump that you have. But that inflammation is usually pretty painful." She paused for a moment, making sure Lorelai didn't have anything to interject. "The other thing about inflamed cysts is that they are mobile. When you push on it, it moves around with your fingers."

Lorelai reached up and tried to move the lump. It wouldn't budge.

Her eyes went wide, and her face paled. Her breathing sped up and she swayed a little. "Are you okay?" Dr. Landry said, standing up quickly and placing a steadying hand on Lorelai's arm. Lorelai nodded slowly. "Is there someone I can call for you?"

"No, no, I'll be fine." She scrubbed a hand over her face. "How soon can I do the test?"

"I'll call the hospital and tell them you're on your way now. I'll make sure they work you in. I won't get the results until tomorrow though."

"Okay."

Dr. Landry looked seriously at Lorelai. "You need to be with someone tonight. Waiting to hear news like this is exhausting, even with emotional support. Is Rory home tonight?" she asked. Dr. Landry had known Lorelai since she was a scared 15 year old sitting in the same exam room. She couldn't help but think that Lorelai looked a lot like that scared girl again today.

Lorelai tried to think of who she could call. "No, Rory's not home, but I'll call a friend."

"Promise me you will do that. Keeping something like this to yourself will only make it worse."

"I promise."

Dr. Landry squeezed Lorelai' shoulder affectionately. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, Lorelai."

"Thanks."

"Go straight to the hospital."

"I will."

Dr. Landry left the room, leaving Lorelai to get redressed and ready to go. She sat on the table for another few moments, knowing she already knew the results of the test before she even took it.


	2. Chapter 2

Some dialogue from this chapter borrowed from Season 3, episode 1, "Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days."

Chapter 2

"Hello? Ah! Oops, you still there? Whoever you are? Ouch!" Lorelai heard a crash, bang, and what she could swear was a sizzle from the other side of the phone.

"Sookie? Are you okay?"

"Oh, Lorelai! I'm fine. Just a minor curling iron burn," Sookie giggled as she explained. "What can I do for you, honey?"

"Are you free tonight? Wanna catch a movie, or come over my place for a slumber party?" Lorelai decided she wouldn't tell anyone what was going on until she got the official news. Tonight, she just wanted to take her mind off of the whole situation.

"Oh, I can't, I'm so sorry. Jackson's parents are in town and we have plans to go out for dinner."

"Okay, no problem."

"Believe me, I would much rather be chick-flicking with you than schmoozing the in-laws. This night is going to be torture."

"Yeah, especially if you start the night with third degree burns via your curling iron," she quipped, doing her best not to let on that anything was wrong.

Sookie giggled again. "You're right. Straight hair it is. Who am I trying to impress? I've already married the man."

"Exactly. You could go to dinner in your pajamas if you wanted, curlers still in your hair."

"Ya know, that sounds pretty appealing, actually."

"Have fun, Sookie, I'll see you tomorrow."

"See ya tomorrow, pumpkin!"

Lorelai hung up the phone but didn't put it down. She tried to think of who else she could call. Coming up empty, she finally placed the phone back on the hallway table.

_Okay, fine, I'll make my own movie night. Happy movies only_. She gathered her movie night snacks and drinks, popped Pippy Longstocking into the DVD player, and settled in for a night of off-the-wall hilarity. It had been a long day.

After her appointment with Dr. Landry, Lorelai went straight to Hartford Memorial. She filled out more forms than she could count, but she welcomed the mundane questions. They distracted her from the real reason she was there. She waited for an hour before the technologist in the pink scrubs called her back, but she didn't complain. As much as she wanted to get it over with, she welcomed the delay.

The mammogram tech worked in a mundane, bored fashion, until she noticed Lorelai's age.

"Have you ever had a mammogram before?" she asked.

This was the third time she answered the same question. Couldn't they write it down somewhere the first time for everyone else to see? "No, first one."

"Okay, well, my name is Jill. Stop me anytime if you have any questions." Jill was much more personable after that. A little too personable – Lorelai could tell she was trying to make this difficult situation into a manageable one. She wished she'd stop trying.

Afterwards, she just drove. What are you supposed to do after a test that has the potential to change the rest of your life? She drove for an hour, when she realized Rory would be calling home soon to check in. She knew Rory would suspect something was up if she wasn't home – she hadn't missed a call yet.

She walked in the front door just as the phone stopped ringing and the answering machine picked up.

"Mom? Are you there?"

She skidded into the hallway and picked up the phone. "Hey, babe. Sorry, I was in the bathroom. What's up?"

"Is it Friday yet?"

"Aw, you mean politicians aren't class act, entertaining people?"

Rory sighed. "It's not the politicians that are driving me nuts. I haven't slept for the past four nights. It seems like the closer we get to the end of this, the more intense Paris's nocturnal conversations become," Rory said incredulously.

"Have you ever tried talking back to her?"

"How would that help me sleep?"

"It wouldn't, but it might be entertaining."

"Gee, thanks. I'll give it a shot. So what did you do all day? I tried to call the inn earlier and they said you weren't there."

Well, crap. "What did you need me at the inn for?" She needed to stall while she thought of an excuse.

"We went out for lunch to this little street corner café. There was a woman with a tiny dog in an purple sweater driving the waiters nuts and it reminded me of the time that woman brought her Chihuahua into Luke's and insisted it was a service dog when he tried to kick them out," Rory recalled with smile.

Lorelai remembered that day. She would have sworn that the vein in Luke's forehead was going to pop. "Oh yeah? I wish I was there to see that."

"Me too. So what kind of adventures did you go on today?"

Lorelai tried to come up with something that sounded believable. She couldn't tell Rory the truth until she knew for sure, and it would have to be in person. "The past few days have been slow and I knew if I spent another eight hours staring at Michel, I'd go crazy. So I went on a little antique hunt. We've been looking for another bookcase for the reception area."

"Did you find anything?"

"Oh, I found plenty, but nothing in our price range."

"Maybe we can go hunting again after I get home. I love a good antique hunt."

"Looking forward to it."

Rory was quiet for a moment. "I miss you, Mom."

Lorelai fought hard to hold back her tears. She only partly succeeded. "I miss you too, kid."

"I gotta go. Talk to you tomorrow."

"Bye, Rory. I love you."

"Love you, too."

* * *

"It's cancer."

Dr. Landry refused to tell her over the phone, and that's how she knew it was bad news. Lorelai went in to see her after she was finished with her regularly scheduled patients. They sat together on the couch in her office. Dr. Landry kept one hand on Lorelai's arm and the other held her hand while she spoke.

"Technically, we can't say for sure that it's cancer just from the mammogram. We'll need to do a biopsy, and I'll have you talk to an oncologist to discuss that. But, Lorelai, I don't think it's fair to make you wait to hear what I'm already 99 percent sure is true."

Lorelai cried and Dr. Landry tried her best to comfort her. She left the office with the telephone number of another doctor, whom she was told to call first thing in the morning.

The next few days, all she felt was numb. She knew she should tell someone, she just wasn't sure who. She knew Rory should be one of the first to find out. Her parents, also. That would be fun. Then Sookie, Luke, Michel, Mia – maybe she'd just tell Babette and Patty and let them do the dirty work.

Friday finally came and Rory was due home any minute. Lorelai did what she does best to stay positive while waiting for her daughter to arrive – she shopped. And when she saw Rory walking down the hallway in the airport, she was ecstatic. Once Rory was decked out in her new Hartford, Connecticut gear they left the airport for home hand in hand.

"I can't believe I'm home. I feel like I've been away forever," Rory lamented as she reacquainted herself with her house.

"I agree," Lorelai said solemnly.

"Oh my god, I missed everything. My kitchen, my room, by books, my CDs, my stuff. Where's my pillow?" asked Rory after she noticed a few of her precious things were missing.

"What?" Lorelai replied incredulously.

"You took my pillow," Rory accused.

"Okay, I took your pillow." Rory thought Lorelai gave in way too easily. She usually loved a good pretend argument.

She studied her mother carefully. "Mom, is something wrong?"

Lorelai crossed her arms over her chest protectively, as if Rory could see the problem like a blinking button pinned to her shirt. "Why would you say that?"

"You were practically silent on the way home, your mood is 75 notches below baseline Lorelai Gilmore, and you admitted to stealing my pillow without an argument. Something is up."

"Nothing's up," Lorelai denied, trying to muster her most convincing smile.

Rory narrowed her eyes. "I know you're lying and I will find out why eventually."

"Fine, J. Edgar Hoover, but for now, go get all fancied up for your boyfriend. I have to go get ready for my Friday night flogging."

Sudden realization came across Rory's face. "Oh, that's right, you have to tell them about Dad tonight. Are you sure you don't want me to come?"

Lorelai had already decided that she'd tell her parents and Rory separately. Her parents would overreact and Rory would cry. She could only handle one type of reaction at a time. "No, go have one more night of fun before you get back to real life. Now hurry up, we've got to go see what Taylor's newest town festival is all about."

By the time Lorelai made it to her parents' house, she was ready to shun the word and become an invalid. Between keeping this giant secret for nearly a week and her argument with Rory over Dean and Jess, she didn't think she had the energy to deal with her parents, too.

Lorelai stood outside her parents' house and tried to muster the courage to ring the bell. This wasn't like all the other times when she just didn't want to spend the evening with Adolf and Eva. She had two big things to share with them tonight, and they weren't going to take either thing well. Deciding that it was now or never, she reached up and rang the bell.

"Lorelai, nice to see you," her mother greeted cheerfully. Emily was never cheerful, and she was about to ruin it.

"Sorry I'm late, Mom."

"Don't be sorry, that's what the warm setting was invented for," she jabbed. "Richard, Lorelai's here!" she shouted into the next room.

_Now or never. Better to get it over with than leave it hanging all night._ "Uhm, Mom, before we get the evening started and all, I want to tell you something."

"Well, tell me outside." Just then, her father joined them from the other room.

"I may have to take one more call tonight, Emily, Ben Stellen and I got cut off. Hello, Lorelai."

"Well come outside with us until he calls back. Lorelai's about to tell us something."

Richard smiled. "Oh, perhaps that she's decided to buy an accurate time piece." He was haughtily proud of his little joke.

Lorelai followed them both to the back patio and once they were all settled with drinks and Lorelai promised to find a way to bake the scone mix she had been gifted, she decided it was time.

"So, like I was saying before, I have something to tell you."

Her mother decided to drop the scone subject. She'd never get through to her anyway. Why couldn't she just appreciate a nice gift? "Fine, go ahead, we're listening."

Cancer or Christopher? She tossed the two around in her mind. She finally decided to go with disappointment first, then shock. "Well, it's about Christopher."

Suddenly, Emily remembered, "Oh, that reminds me, we got him a captain's hat. Richard, where is that hat? Lorelai can bring it to him."

She shook her head. "No I can't."

"Why not?"

"It's just, um, Chris and I aren't-"

"Aren't what?" her father interjected, but her mother already knew.

"They aren't together anymore Richard."

"Why not?"

"I'm sure a vague reason is forthcoming."

Her mother was right, but she was trying to avoid divulging the real reason at any cost. "It just didn't work out, that's all."

"And there it is," Emily announced, not shocked in the least. "Lorelai, this is ridiculous. The two of you aren't in high school anymore."

"I know."

"Emily, let's not talk about this," Richard interrupted, eager to move on from the ugly subject.

"Yeah, Mom, I have something else I have to tell you, too."

Her mother would have none of it. "No, we are going to talk about it. You're running around like you have no responsibility in life, like you can flit from thing to thing, from man to man."

"I do not flit from man to man!" She was ready to be done with this topic. She had more important news to share. "His girlfriend is pregnant." There, that would shut them up.

"What?"

"Sherry is pregnant, and when Christopher found out, he went back to her. And that, Mother, is the reason. Now, can we move on?"

"Are they getting married?" Why was that always the next question?

"Of course they're getting married," her father concluded.

"How do you know?"

"I know because I know Christopher, and Christopher always tries to do the right thing."

"The right thing is for him to be with his family. Lorelai and Rory are his family."

"Emily, he is going to be a father."

"He already is a father!"

"I really don't want to discuss this anymore," Lorelai tried one last time to halt the pointless conversation.

"Lorelai, you have to talk to him."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Tell him you want to get married!"

"Emily, please stop. You know that Lorelai never does anything unless she wants to, no matter the consequences to anyone else."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lorelai was shocked. Her father was always snidely rude, but never outright mean. Her parents continued to bicker back and forth. Lorelai grew tired of trying to get them to understand that she had more important news, so she set her drink down, stood up, and walked out the front door. It would take her parents another ten minutes to realize she was even gone.

* * *

When she reached Stars Hollow, she parked the Jeep in the square and walked towards the diner. The lights were off, there were no customers to be seen, but that never stopped her before.

"We're closed," said Luke without even looking up. He knew it was her by the clicking of her heels and the fact that she's the only one who ever tried to come in after closing time.

But she didn't turn around to leave. After the week she had, she knew if she couldn't even manage to get a cup of her favorite coffee, her mental breakdown would be guaranteed.

"I know," she said slowly, clearly defeated by the day she had. "I just need a cup of coffee. I'm - I'm not," she began, but she broke down anyway. Sobs wracked her exhausted body. Crocodile tears poured down her face.

Luke looked up in shock. "Lorelai-what the hell? What's wrong?" He dropped his receipts into the open cash register in front of him. It would take him an hour to sort out the jumbled mess he made, but his concern for Lorelai was too great to care. He stood awkwardly in front of her, not sure what to do. He placed both hands on either of her arms and she immediately fell into him, face buried in his neck, hands clinging to the flannel at his sides.

Luke hated when women cried in front of him because he never knew what to do. With Lorelai, it was a hundred times worse - he felt her pain like it was his own. "It's okay," he said over and over. He wrapped her up in his arms, knowing that something major had to have happened to elicit this kind of breakdown from the woman he always knew to be so strong.

When her sobs finally slowed, she pulled back, but not completely out of Luke's embrace. "I'm so sorry. You're mad at me and I drenched your shirt. This is probably the last thing you want to be doing right now, comforting the woman who made you hate her."

He stepped back and crossed his arms, clearly angered by her words. "Lorelai, I never have and never will hate you. I have a hard time forgiving sometimes, but that's it."

She looked him in the eye, pleading. "Please forgive me, Luke. You have to forgive me." She wrapped her arms around his neck. He uncrossed his arms and held her close again, giving in to her request in a moment.

"Fine, whatever, I forgive you. Is this what you're so upset about? It was just a stupid fight."

"No, there's something else. I need a cup of coffee first, and then I'll tell you."

He led her to the counter and helped her to take a seat. He filled her favorite blue mug to the top with her beloved beverage, set it on the counter, and stood in front of her, signaling that he was ready to listen.

She took a long pull from the mug, hoping for some kind of rejuvenation. What she felt instead was comfort and she suspected it came more from the man standing across from her and less from the dark liquid she was drinking.

"I haven't told anyone else yet. You'll be the first," she said with a smirk. She replaced it with a serious expression and looked down at her hands. "Did you know Rory's going to be a senior this year?"

"Yeah, I knew that," he replied, lost as to what that had to do with anything.

"She's a senior in high school and she's nine months away from graduating and going to Harvard like she's always dreamed. I've watched her work toward this goal for 18 years. I _have_ to be around to see her get it. I hate admitting my limitations because I fancy myself wonder woman, but this time, I won't be able to hide it."

Luke couldn't remember a time when he felt more confused. "What are you talking about? Why wouldn't you be around to see Rory graduate? Are you going somewhere?"

Lorelai gave a depressed laughed. "I wish." She played with her hands, mustering the courage to say the words out loud for the first time. With a shaky breath, she said, "I have breast cancer."

When she didn't hear anything from him after a few moments, she tried to meet his eyes. She looked up to find him stating straight at her. He removed his hands from the counter in between them and crossed him arms again. "Did you hear me?"

He looked down. "I heard you." Still no reaction.

"That's the first time I've said it out loud. I was sort of expecting a different reaction," she confessed, now almost embarrassed she had told him.

Lorelai tried to get him to look at her again. He put a hand over his face, tried to scrub off the emotion, but failed. When he looked back at Lorelai, she could see the moisture covering his typically dry eyes. "Oh, Luke, I-" She stopped when he slowly moved around the counter and willingly enveloped her in the most meaningful hug she was ever the second half of.

A full minute later, he let her go. "Lorelai, I don't know what to say."

For the first time in a week, she felt real comfort. "You don't have to say anything. Just being here is all I need."

He looked at her for another moment, then remembered something she said earlier. "You will be around to see Rory graduate," he told her with conviction.

"I'm not so-"

"No, Lorelai, you will be around to see Rory graduate from high school. You will see her graduate from Harvard, you will see her travel to Istanbul or Japan or wherever the hell it is she wants to travel and you will see her become an award winning journalist."

"Luke, I-"

"This is temporary."

His simple statement shocked her. "Where did that come from?"

He said it without thinking. It was sort of like a reflex. "It's, um… It's what my dad used to say to my mom, when she-" he stopped, as a fresh batch of silent tears sprung from his eyes.

"Oh, Luke, I had no idea," she said, as she placed a hand on his arm, like he had done for her earlier.

When he got control of himself a moment later, he said "Except this time, it's true. Lorelai, this is only temporary. It's a crappy thing that's happening to you right now, but soon enough, it'll be over, like it never happened."

She felt more relaxed. Someone was on her side; someone was in this with her. She knew Luke wouldn't be the only one pulling for her, but an hour ago, she'd had her doubts. "Thank you, Luke, you have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that."

"If you need anything, let me know."

"I will. Thanks again for being so great tonight, Luke." She stood to leave, feeling no better about her situation, but a hundred times better about her outlook.

"Is there anything I can do for you tonight?"

She thought for a moment. "Donut to go? I have a kid to fill in tonight. I'm gonna need some sugar."

"Sure thing." He quickly slipped two sprinkled donuts into a to-go bag and handed it to her. "Anything else?"

"One more of those magnificent hugs?"

"You got it."


	3. Chapter 3

Lorelai pulled up to her house in the Jeep. She turned the car off and took a deep breath, bracing herself for what she was about to do. Now or never. It seemed to be her mantra lately. She exited the jeep and made her way into the house.

"Hey, you're home," she said as she shut the door behind her and saw Rory standing in the living room.

"I'm home," she replied distantly.

_This is not going to work if she's mad at me_, Lorelai thought. _Time to be the bigger person and forget the whole thing_.

"Okay, see, that was not how that whole scene between us was supposed to go."

"No?"

"No. I mean, yes, I was surprised and I do think the basic sentiment of 'make up your mind' was kind of called for."

"Absolutely called for."

"But I didn't mean to upset you and yell at you and make you feel bad, I'm really sorry, hon."

"I know, but you were right," Rory conceded.

"Ah, well, that's once, I guess."

They were both relieved to have the ugliness behind them as they sat on the couch together. Lorelai took the spot on the end, expecting to need the sofa's arm to hold her up after the impending conversation. "So how was dinner?" Rory asked.

"I wasn't actually there long enough to eat dinner."

"That bad?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Lorelai sighed and looked down into her lap, knowing she would have to talk about it. "Rory, I have something to tell you."

"I can tell," Rory said. "I can also tell this is a bad something." The look on Rory's face was a mixture of concern and fear.

"Well, it's definitely not a good something." Lorelai swallowed hard. She felt faint already and she hadn't said anything yet.

Rory felt a knot in her stomach as she waited for Lorelai to share her news. She could see right through her mother's happy façade as soon as they -literally- ran into each other at the airport. "How worried do I need to be?"

"Not worried at all. It's going to be okay. It is," she said, trying to convince the both of them. "It's only temporary."

"Mom?" Rory asked, almost on the verge of tears already.

Lorelai took her daughter's hands in her own. She played with her fingers and ran her thumbs over the backs of her hands. Finally, she gripped them tightly, a few tears escaping her own eyes, and said, "I have breast cancer."

The color drained from Rory's face. "What?" she asked in disbelief. "No, this kind of thing happens to other people, but not us!" she argued. This was the last thing Rory expected to hear her mother say tonight. Her craziest guess was that maybe, just maybe her mother wound up pregnant after her short affair with her father before summer. She also thought the demise of her grandparents' marriage was a possibility- they seemed a little distant towards each other recently. Her mother's life threatening illness would have been absolutely last on a list filled with even crazier possibilities. Her face suddenly filled with redness again as she finally let go of her tears.

As Rory sobbed, Lorelai gathered her baby girl into her arms and held her tightly. They stayed that way for a while, until they were both cried out and only a few sniffles and tears were left behind.

Rory leaned back but still stayed snuggled up to her mother. "When did you find out?"

"On Monday. I was in the shower trying to avoid going to work, so I felt myself up like all the doctors tell you to do anyway, but I never actually do. That's when I found it. I saw Dr. Landry later that day, had a mammogram, and got the unofficial word on Tuesday."

"Unofficial?" Rory asked hopefully.

"Dr. Landry said they can't actually say for sure that it's cancer until they do a biopsy. I have an appointment with an oncologist on Tuesday to talk about that. But she also said she's sure that's what it is."

Rory looked to be deep in thought, obviously trying to think her way through the situation and come up with a plan to get her mother out of it. Coming up empty, she asked "Who knows?"

Lorelai chuckled somberly. "Luke, by accident."

"How did that happen?"

"I was going to tell your grandparents tonight, but they wouldn't move past my Christopher news. I kept trying to get through to them that I had something more important to tell them, but they wouldn't budge. I didn't even make it to dinner, just got up and walked out. Haven't heard from them since. For all I know, they're still sitting on the patio arguing about my inability to keep a man."

"Boy are they going to feel sorry when they find out."

"Maybe. Anyway, I felt so beaten up by the time I got back into town that I just needed a cup of coffee. Honestly, all I wanted to do was get my coffee and leave, but I sort of fell apart in the middle of the diner. So of course I had to explain. I'm kind of glad I did, actually."

"How'd he take it?"

"He cried." Lorelai's eyes felt wet again as she recalled Luke's response.

"He did?"

"He did. And then he was really great. He's the one who told me that this is all only temporary. Apparently, it's what his dad used to say to his mom when she was sick."

"So it's safe to say you two aren't fighting anymore?"

"No more fighting."

Rory nodded her approval. She stared off into the distance, unsure what to do or say next. A few moments passed, and finally she said, "Where is it?"

Lorelai reached out and took Rory's hand, placing her fingertips on the side of her right breast on top of the lump. Feeling the physical evidence of her mother's illness brought a fresh batch of tears to Rory's eyes. Lorelai pulled Rory into her again and that's where they stayed until they were too exhausted to hold themselves upright. They both began the night in their own beds, but it wasn't long before Rory found her way into her mother's bed, safely held in her protective arms.

After three days of comfort food, snuggling on the couch, and not talking about it, Lorelai found herself sitting in the parking lot of Dr. McPherson's office. It was 7:32 in the morning. She should have checked in two minutes before, but she hadn't gathered up the courage yet. Rory had insisted on coming along but Lorelai insisted right back that she shouldn't. She told her to read a large, obscure novel while she waited, but they both knew neither would be able to focus on anything until the appointment was over. Finally realizing that she'd never have enough courage to face the man waiting for her inside the cold office building, she stepped out of the jeep and made her way inside.

She approached the reception desk where a middle aged woman with a bad perm and purple glasses sat looking down at some paperwork. Lorelai signed the clipboard, making apologies for being late as she wrote her name. The woman made no indication that she heard Lorelai, so she took her seat.

Not in the mood to read year-old magazines, Lorelai looked around the waiting room at the company she should expect to keep for the next phase of her life. The small room was unexpectedly crowded for the early hour. Among the many women in the room, an older woman sat in the corner with her husband; he read a newspaper while she stared blankly at the waiting room television. Another woman, who Lorelai guessed to be about ten years older than herself, sat two seats down with a thick book in her lap and a green paisley scarf on her head. Lorelai made a mental note to ask Rory for some book recommendations; she could see herself having a lot more time to read in the near future.

"Lorelai Gilmore," she heard, from across the room. The woman with the bad perm and purple glasses was now standing at the door, holding a clipboard, and waiting for Lorelai to follow her back.

"But they were all here before me," Lorelai said.

"It's your first time here, honey, I have to get you registered," the woman explained.

"Oh." Lorelai looked around, expecting to see a few angry faces. The older woman's eyes were still glued to the tv. Green-paisley-scarf turned the page of her novel. Satisfied that no one was annoyed that she was late _and_ being called back first, she followed.

More than an hour later, after ten minutes of questioning from the woman whose name Lorelai learned was Joann, ten minutes of paperwork filled with questions she could swear Joann just asked her, and forty-five minutes of reading old magazine articles that Lorelai finally resigned herself to, Dr. McPherson tapped on the door. She entered slowly and Lorelai swallowed hard, feeling the nervousness that she was trying her best to bury come bubbling up to the surface again full force.

"Hi, Lorelai, I'm Dr. McPherson."

"Hi." Normally one to make awkward rambling small talk when she was nervous, Lorelai was unnerved to discover she really had nothing else to say. She shifted uncomfortably on the exam table as she waited for the doctor to begin talking.

"So, you're here today because you have a lump in your right breast and a very concerning mammogram," the forty-something woman stated.

"Yes, that sounds about right," Lorelai confirmed.

"Do you know what's going to happen next?"

Lorelai thought this was an odd question. Isn't that what she was sitting in that cold exam room to find out? "Uhm, well, Dr. Landry said you have to do a biopsy of the lump to see what kind of cancer it is and how far along it is."

Dr. McPherson nodded. "Yes, that's right. Do you know what that means?"

She furrowed her brow and considered the question. "No, I guess I don't."

"That's actually what I wanted to hear. In this day and age, what with the internet and webmd and all those other "medical" websites," Dr. McPherson used air quotes, "I have patients coming in all the time with wild ideas about what I should be doing and how to cure themselves," she finished with a small chuckle, but Lorelai could tell it was a sore subject. "Before we start, promise me you will not google your symptoms or procedures. I will give you my cell phone number so that if you have any questions, you can call me anytime. And if you ever doubt what I'm telling you, which you are absolutely entitled to do, by the way, please get a second opinion from another medical professional."

She felt a little caught off guard, but Lorelai nodded her agreement. "I promise. Although, you'll probably have to have this talk again with my daughter. She likes to stay as informed as possible, and that's putting it lightly."

"I will certainly do that if you need me to. If she really feels the need to read up on the subject, tell her to go to the library and read the published, reviewed literature."

"I don't think that'll be a problem," Lorelai smiled.

"Now, onto the matter at hand." Dr. McPherson opened Lorelai's chart and reminded herself of the notes she made before coming in. "I'll do what's called a lumpectomy. I'll remove the lump completely, but I'll also need to remove a few nearby lymph nodes from under your arm to see if the cancer has spread. We'll do a biopsy and then we'll know exactly what we're dealing with."

"So then I would do chemo?" It was the first time she had used the word and she didn't like it one bit.

"I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. If it hasn't progressed much, we might get away without it."

"But you won't know until after the procedure."

"Right. I'd like to do it as soon as possible. I have an opening on Monday at 11. Is that okay with you?" Dr. McPherson asked, looking at her calendar.

"That soon?" Lorelai asked, eyes wide. "Do I have time to think about it?"

"I can give you until this afternoon. There's some routine testing you'll need to get done as soon as possible, before you can undergo any type of surgery."

Lorelai really wanted to get it out sooner rather than later, but she didn't know if she could get everything in order by then. She still had to tell everyone else, she had to contact Mia to get someone to cover for her while she was out; there was so much to do. "Put me down for it. If I can't do it, I'll call before the end of the day."

"Good, I think you're making the right choice. Just let Joann know on your way out and she'll give you all the information you need." Dr. McPherson pulled out a blank piece of paper from her desk drawer and wrote a few things on it before handing it over. "Here's my cell phone number. You can call anytime. I might not be able to answer right away, but I will call you back within the hour. I also wrote down a few titles I think your daughter would be interested in. They're easy to understand for someone who doesn't have a medical degree, but still technical enough that I think she'll be satisfied."

Lorelai looked at the list gratefully. The appointment went a lot better than she expected. "Thank you, doctor. You've made this all bearable so far."

Dr. McPherson smiled. "Don't worry, you'll become overwhelmed in no time. And you'll call me when that happens," she instructed.

"Yes, I will."

Lorelai made it to the inn that morning only twenty minutes later than normal. She ignored Michel's questioning and badgering about all the issues that had already arisen for the day and went straight to the kitchen. She was feeling oddly courageous after her appointment, especially after the conversation she had with Rory, who was already on her way to the library to look into Dr. McPherson's book suggestions.

"Hey, Peaches, what's shakin?" Sookie asked when Lorelai came in.

Lorelai had learned over the last few days that beating around the bush was not helpful. "Do you have a minute to talk?"

She looked around, double checking that everything was well attended before she wiped her hands on a towel and leaned back on the counter. "Sure, what's up?"

Lorelai shook her head, "Not here, Sook. Come with me." She took her friend by the elbow and guided her to her office.

When they were both inside and the door was shut, Sookie said "What's wrong? Am I being fired?" She asked with a smile, only half joking.

"No, Sookie, you're not being fired." Lorelai's throat seemed to constrict and she could feel her face getting hot.

"Oh, honey, what's wrong?" Sookie asked as she took her best friend's hands and sat them both on the couch.

Lorelai did her best to swallow her tears. "I have to take a few days off of work, starting on Monday. I'm not sure how long." She made a mental note to call and ask how long she should expect to be out of commission.

"Of course, we can handle it. What's up?"

"Sookie, I'm sick." She had grown tired of using the word "cancer." She knew she'd have to explain further, but she hoped Sookie would understand.

As she expected, the color drained from Sookie's face. "What do you mean you're sick?"

"I have to have a lump removed from my breast to find out how sick on Monday."

"No." Sookie shook her head. "Lorelai, I don't know what to say," she admitted as she wrapped her best friend in her arms.

Lorelai felt better in the warm embrace. She loved Rory and would always prefer her hugs over anyone else's, but in this situation, she needed to be comforted. She already knew she'd be doing a lot of comforting for her daughter over the course of this thing and she really was okay with that, but Lorelai was glad to know she had someplace to turn when things were weighing heavy for herself.

Sookie reluctantly let go, and when she did, Lorelai could see the tear tracks along her pink cheeks. "Tell me what I can do to help," Sookie instructed.

Lorelai thought hard. "I'm going to need a ride on Monday, and someone to stay at the hospital while I'm in surgery. Rory's going to insist on being there, but she has to go to school."

"I'm there. Whatever you need, you tell me, and I will be there."

"Thank you, Sookie."

"Honey, I love you so much," Sookie told her as she pulled her into another hug.

Lorelai rested her head on Sookie's shoulder. "I love you, too," she said, as she let the tears flow.


End file.
